Unmasking Autism: The Struggle behind their Smile

We’ve all been in situations where we felt the need to present a version of ourselves that fits in with those around us. For most people, this might be temporary. But for many autistic individuals, this constant monitoring of behavior—called masking—is a daily effort. It’s mentally exhausting, emotionally isolating, and often misunderstood. In the context of autism spectrum disorder (ASD), masking is not just about fitting in—it's about survival in a world that often fails to accommodate differences.

What Is Masking in Autism?

Masking, also known as camouflaging, involves consciously or unconsciously hiding one’s autistic traits to blend into social environments. It’s driven by the innate human desire to feel seen, heard, and accepted.

Common masking behaviors include;

  - Mirroring others’ facial expressions or tone of voice 

  - Rehearsing scripts for conversations 

  - Hiding or suppressing stimming (e.g., hand flapping, repetitive speech) 

  - Withholding personal interests to avoid judgment 

  - Minimizing visible reactions to sensory overload (e.g., noise, touch)

Ways in which autism masking can manifest, including forcing eye contact, suppressing stimming behaviors, and adjusting expressions to match others.

Research shows that autistic girls and women are particularly prone to masking due to social expectations and gender stereotypes. Often, these individuals remain undiagnosed for years because their efforts to "blend in" mask the visible signs of autism.

I distinctly remember a case where an 11-year-old girl was referred for assessments with presenting concerns in academics and ability to sustain attention. On a thorough study of her profile (assessments), observations and interactions with her parents, we came to understand that she was on the spectrum and had been using a mask in her interactions with the external world, trying to “fit in” and cater to its demands. Nonetheless, the limitations experienced by her in making friends, in holding conversations with them were apparent along with her stimming. What stuck with me was how we as caregivers/parents are also unknowingly encouraging them to mask, to “be better, do better to fit in with the group”; whereas the child simply needs a loving and safe space to be themselves. Even when we mean well, we are failing the child by not holding the space to understand them first.

How Masking Affects Mental Health—and How We Can Help 

Masking is not only exhausting but can also delay diagnosis and deepen identity confusion. Many autistic individuals report feeling disconnected from their real selves. As shared by David Gray-Hammond in their article titled “The cost of autistic masking” (2020), “I have masked my entire life with varying degrees of success…The truth is, that I have been so good at masking that at times I have begun to doubt my own autism diagnosis. I look back on my life, and all I can see is the mask… I hear the words of people who have told me that I’m “not autistic enough”. I start to wonder, am I really autistic?”

Even children feel this inner conflict. Zara, a student in a mainstream school, reflected, “I look towards myself and wish I could get along better with other people, but that’s just not the way I function.”

Strategies for self-management include:

- Taking recovery time after social interactions 

- Using energy accounting to manage emotional energy 

- Connecting with autistic communities to share and normalize experiences 

- Reflecting on “who you are behind the mask” through journaling, therapy, or conversations 

How society can support autistic individuals who mask:

- Educators and clinicians must recognize the signs of masking and respond with empathy 

- Workplaces and schools should embrace neurodiversity and provide personalized support 

- Public spaces can become more inclusive through autism-friendly practices (e.g., quiet rooms, sensory accommodations) 

- Most importantly, society needs to celebrate neurodiverse expression, not suppress it 

Balancing the negative effects of mental health challenges, loss of identity, and limited potential with the benefits of reduced social anxiety, social inclusion, and a sense of belonging.

Masking may help autistic individuals survive social spaces, but it often comes at the cost of mental health, identity, and belonging. True support begins with understanding and acceptance. By fostering environments that value authenticity over conformity, we create a world where autistic people can thrive—without the mask.

Start today: Listen deeply, ask kindly, and make space for people to be fully themselves!