BUILDING EMOTIONAL VOCABULARY IN NEURODIVERGENT KIDS

As a developmental therapist, I often work with children who experience very big emotions but don’t yet know how to express them. They might cry suddenly, throw toys, hide under tables, or shout during transitions. In those moments, when I ask softly, “What happened?” I’m often met with a shrug, silence, or the words, “I don’t know.” And the truth is — they really don’t know how to explain it. For many neuro divergent children, especially those with autism or ADHD, the emotions they feel can be overwhelming and confusing. Their brains might process emotions differently, and their bodies often respond before words can catch up.

Colorful chart illustrating various emotions to help children expand their emotional vocabulary.

They may feel something in their chest, tummy, or hands but they don’t yet have the ability to label that feeling as “scared,” “angry,” or “nervous.” This can lead to frustration not only for the child but also for the adults around them, who may see the behavior but miss the deeper need behind it. Emotional vocabulary — the ability to name and understand feelings — isn’t something that comes naturally to every child. It’s something that needs to be gently taught and slowly built, like a bridge between what they feel inside and how they can share it with the outside world.\

How We Build Emotional Vocabulary in Therapy

In therapy, I don’t begin by asking children to talk about their feelings. Instead, I start with connection, visuals, and play. Many neurodivergent children are visual thinkers, so we often begin with feeling cards that show real or cartoon faces — happy, sad, angry, tired. I might hold a mirror and say, “Can you make a silly face?” or “Show me what your face looks like when you’re upset.” Over time, this helps children match words with expressions. 

Through pretend play, I’ll create gentle stories: if a stuffed animal falls, I might say, “Oh no, bunny is hurt — I think he feels sad,” or “Is he okay? What could help him feel better?” These stories are not just for fun. They’re teaching moments, where the child can explore emotions at a safe distance, through toys and imagination.

As the child becomes more comfortable, I begin to model emotional words in real-life situations. If they get frustrated when a puzzle piece doesn’t fit, I might say, “That looks frustrating — let’s try again together.” If they smile while painting, I say, “You look calm and happy right now.” When emotions are strong, I never demand an explanation. Instead, I offer a word and wait. Some children will repeat what I say. Others might not respond at all — but they are always absorbing. For children who love repetition, we practice short emotional scripts like, “When I feel mad, I can stomp,” or “When I feel worried, I can take a break.” These phrases eventually become tools they can use during tough moments. For children who do not speak much, we use gestures, cards, or emotion boards to express feelings. A child pointing to a “sad” card is just as powerful as one who says, “I’m upset.” All forms of communication are respected.

Every Small Step Counts

Progress in emotional learning often happens quietly. A child who used to hit when upset might begin to walk away instead. Another might start reaching for a calm-down card. One day, a child who rarely expressed feelings might whisper, “I don’t like loud,” and that one sentence can feel like a breakthrough. 

These are the moments we celebrate. Because emotional vocabulary is not just about knowing words — it’s about knowing yourself. When a child can understand what they feel, they are less likely to feel lost or out of control. They begin to find their voice — in pictures, gestures, or words — and use it to connect with the world around them.

As a therapist, I often tell families: this is not a race. It’s not about how many emotion words a child can say. It’s about helping them feel safe enough to notice what they feel and confident enough to share it. This process is gentle and slow — but deeply meaningful. Each step forward, no matter how small, is a sign that the child is growing in awareness, regulation, and trust.

How Parents Can Support at Home

• Parents play a powerful role in helping their child build emotional vocabulary. You don’t need fancy tools or complicated techniques — your presence, your patience, and your voice are enough. 

• Start by noticing your child’s body language and gently offering words for what they might be feeling: “It looks like your body is getting tight — are you feeling mad?” or “Are you tired or just needing some quiet?”

• Use storybooks that talk about feelings. Make a feelings chart together and point to it during daily routines. Don’t push your child to talk if they’re not ready. Instead, speak the feelings aloud so they can hear them often, in context.

  During calm moments, practice little scripts together, like “When I feel ___, I can ___.” Most of all, when your child is overwhelmed, try to stay near and calm. Say things like, “I see this is hard,” or “I’m here if you need me.” 

Even if your child doesn’t respond, your presence is powerful. You are showing them that feelings are safe, that words are possible, and that you’re with them as they learn. Building emotional vocabulary takes time, but with your love and support, your child will get there — in their own way, and in their own time.